I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
