i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
