I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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