I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
