he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
