Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
