i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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