omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
