I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
