we're blogging at a bar
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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