We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
