and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
