Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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