It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
