During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
