Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
