he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
