Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
