I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
