Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
