i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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