she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
