From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
