Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
