yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
