4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
