So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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