tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
