see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
