Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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