i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
