I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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