I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
