I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
