Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bring money and cleavage
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
