I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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