non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
