Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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