Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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