Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
love makes seman taste better
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
