are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there's paper in my vomit.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
