Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
