I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
