I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
