Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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