I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
