i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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