he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
