from now on my penis is your penis
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
