I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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