I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
