Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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