very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
