the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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