Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
